I

It was afternoon, in the canteen. I was on duty, practicing entrepreneurship course, selling food and drink. I saw a boy with his unique giggle, crossing my stand, even buying some food. I felt annoyed. Then I officially became his senior. Never expected that I would be his close friend ‘til he phoned me one day and asked one special question. I was just an ordinary student at school. I was a part of discipline kids. I studied hard Monday ‘til Friday and had fun on weekend with friends or fams. I joint fine art class. I was also one of English Club members. I loved sitting in front of library, watching friends who were playing guitar on the other corner, having good conversation with good friends while waiting the twilight to go home. I often got insomnia. I did my assignments ‘til midnight and watching youtube as an interlude. Ough! I had ever broken the rules, didn’t come to class and miss mathematics exam just because the concert of my favourite musician.

Out of school. I was the eldest princess in my home. I really loved my father, my mother, my little sister, and viceversa. I learned playing a guitar from my cousin when I was in junior high school. I could also play melody on pianica and keyboard. I was fond of drawing and painting. I read novel at my spare time. I still liked Tinkerbell and Barbie movies. I fell in love with nature, acoustic, and aesthetic things. I had my own soundtracks of my life. I made my own concert too in my room. I love being my self, reminded by Selena Gomez’s song: Who Says. I was growing up. I chose to wear hijab. I went to college and became a literary student. I found new lovely people. I saw many new things. As I grew up, I learned, learned, and learned. I faced many cases, so complicated, so intricate. I was trying to be more tough and patient. Over and over. I fell, then I rose. I also became more independent. I was grateful for having such many problems, cause in the next days I could appreciate how great I was in overcoming it. I was living my life wisely, shoot at positive points, then going on. I was only human. I could sad, cry, and feel hurt. But I realized, I was a saver for my self who can take the happiness back. You were one of people who make me strong.

I am ME. I may have a special box in your heart. Whatever. I am not trying to be so confident, but I understand what you feel, just same with me. I have given you some moments that you never had before you know me, for instances, buying a girl flowers, taking a picture together with her –just both of you-, waiting a girl ‘til the sun went down just to be able to walk with her and back home together, and so on. I don’t know whether I can be replaced or not, cause you just keep coming back to me. I feel like I am a north, wherever you navigate, you are searching for me to go home. I don’t know if it’s true. I don’t know whether you mean it or not. I may teach you something about life for years, or maybe about love too? I say for sure, you do the same. I... wherever I am and whatever I will be.... I am one of people who ever touch your heart and I am sure that you will never forget this, just same with me. I, with all of my thoughts, especially they which out at AM, have flown to you to knock your door and give the book which is more than the novel I’ve ever written for you before, it’s entitled ‘love’. I just want to be the real me, and glad to know that you accept me just the way I am.

Dec 17, 2016. PR.